Source: “Voices of the Waffen SS” by Gerry Villani
I’m from Heimbach which is a small village in Rhineland-Palatinate (Rheinland-Pfalz), just south of Idar-Oberstein. I had a good life there with my wife and daughter. When the war was raging through Europe, I joined the Waffen SS. I was a member of the 9th SS Panzer Division “Hohenstaufen”, the Division which had as symbol a letter “H” with a sword that went through the middle of this letter “H”. I was young and I wanted an adventure but at the same time I wanted to belong to the elite. It was my choice to join the Waffen SS. It’s still difficult to talk about this period of my life, not only because of the horror that I’ve seen but because of the many good comrades that I’ve lost down the way. But most important of all, or maybe the saddest part of this war, was that I never saw my wife and daughter again. My daughter was only two years old when I left home for the Waffen SS. I remember my wife and daughter waiving at me when the train departed. It was our last goodbye.
Where do I start? I received my NCO - infantry training with many others in an old castle in an old German village. On the walls outside the buildings, there were torches burning which gave a mystical effect at night. The flames playing in the wind made dancing shadows on the walls of the buildings. Training was hard for the infantry. We had numerous hours – and then I’m just being humble about it – of drill and warfare tactics.
The instructors were very strict as everything – our uniform, shoes, and equipment – had to be clean at the beginning and at the end of the day. Our instructors taught us well and after our training period, they were utterly proud of us. We were after all the SS or Waffen SS, the elite of Germany, who had sworn allegiance – unconditional loyalty is a better wording for it – to the Führer. If you had at least a little bit of honor within yourself then you would never break that oath of allegiance to our Führer! But it was not only an oath of allegiance to the Führer; it was also unconditional loyalty towards our unit, Division, and Germany. In the training center or camp – whatever you want to call it - we had everything. It was like a small village on its own. The words “Meine Ehre Heißt Treue” that was painted on the wall reminded us every day who we were.
I was an SS-Scharführer, a small unit leader. I had, on my left collar tab, one pip in the middle and two stripes on the bottom. One day after training we got the word that we were leaving to the east. We knew what was in the east: the big Russian Beast, the Bolsheviks! We were going to fight the Reds or the Bolsheviks for the protection of our people and fatherland. We boarded a train, a very long train, which carried lots of men. That thing was almost too small to get us all in with all our equipment. It wasn’t the first-class train ride! However, we started moving and I remember it took us days and days to get into the Russian steppes. We had to be careful now as we were in enemy territory. A good thing was that we had some extra weaponry on the train to protect us from aerial or infantry attacks. But for one thing you could never be prepared for: partisans and partisan activities or, like we used to call it, acts of sabotage. When people got caught for acts of sabotage they were shot without questioning. This was the rule. I have absolutely no compassion with partisans as they don’t fight according to the rules of war! Every meter that we drove safely on the railroad tracks was a relief but you never knew if the next meter would be the one that would change your life.
I remember that our train had derailed and went on its side. Most likely this was an act of sabotage by partisans. There was no explosion so I presume they tampered with the tracks in some sort of way. There were lots of casualties on our side however we maintained our calm and secured the area. After an intense search in the area, we were able to find 3 men which we suspected they were the ones that caused our train to derail. They were very close to our location and they were very nervous. They had scratches on their hands and bruises so I think they’ve been busy “doing things.” I guess they were all in their early 20’s and you could tell they were scared as hell! They were imprisoned, questioned, and then brought behind a tree line by four soldiers. These soldiers had their rifle and machine gun at the ready. When they were out of sight, I could hear several shots being fired. The four soldiers came back, laughing and joking while reloading their weapons. I guess you can figure out yourself what happened to those three kids... There’s nothing you could do about it. Orders were orders and they had to be followed. They did what they were told do too. In this case, execute partisans. When we were ready to go, we had to leave most our equipment behind so we carried what we could carry. The dead comrades were buried not far from the tracks. We made a small cemetery and on each cross, we put a helmet on top. A little plaque was made of some wood from the train to remember whoever would find this place that this was a German cemetery. I never saw that cemetery again but I hope that our comrades were given the honors by whoever found them resting there. May they rest in peace... It’s sad to know that so many young lives were gone in a blink of an eye. Some of them were even good friends of mine. Jan, one of my comrades, survived and we continued our way in the endless Russian steppes and then back to Europe after our Russian adventure.
One day we – our little unit that is – were out on a reconnaissance patrol in the woods. I can’t remember the exact location but it must have been close to Tarnopol. At the border of the woods, there was a wide-open field with a barbed wire fence running in the middle of it. It was maybe 1 to 1.2m high. We decided to cross the field, go over the barbed wire, and continue east. It was getting dark so we thought that it would be safe to cross. Even when we thought it would be safe, we were always alert and scanning the horizon for possible enemy activity. While walking through the field all of a sudden, we heard machine gun fire. Where did it come from? I had absolutely no idea. I think they were hiding somewhere in the bushes. We started running to get ourselves into safety. Shots were fired from our end but I don’t think it helped a lot. I thought it was more a waste of ammo. While running towards the fence I saw one of my comrades go down. He got hit by a bullet. He was still alive as he was still conscious. How did I know that he was still conscious? Well he was yelling and screaming like hell! While the rest of our unit was running into safety I turned back and went to get my injured comrade. He was a Sturmmann and he looked at me as if he was saying “I don’t want to die here today.” Jokingly I told him that this wasn’t a good day to take a rest in the middle of the fields with all this lead raining down on us! I assured him that I would take care of him and that he didn’t have to worry. We didn’t have much time as the bullets were flying around us. Men of my unit returned fire in the unknown while I picked him up and I carried him through the field, over the barbed wire fence, into the safety of the woods. I still can’t believe that the bullets missed me. I always thought that the Russians just fired at me to scare me as they most likely saw me carrying my comrade over my shoulder. Back into safety, we regrouped and counter attacked our enemies. I made sure the injured Sturmmann was taken care of before I went back to counter-attack. It was a short battle and we wiped them all out. No casualties on our side, except for one injured. I just want to be very clear on one thing: when I say that we wiped “them” out I mean that they were all killed in action. If we had a prisoner of war, we kept him alive. Prisoners would be sent far behind the front line for intelligence purposes. Executions were not allowed, only for partisans, but that’s a different story as you already know.
While we continued our way, we arrived at a big barn. The barn was empty and, after clearing the area, we decided to stay there for the night or maybe for a couple of days if things were good. After all, we had to take care of our injured comrade and we could use some rest. In one of the following days, our reinforcements arrived, well if you can call it reinforcements. Now we had a few tanks and half-tracks. One of the men of our company went to the higher-ranked officers and told him what I had done, that I saved one of the guys while under heavy machine gun fire. That night, inside the barn, I was called by a Sturmbannführer to stand next to him. We were standing on a little stairway facing the group of brothers that gathered in front of us. A little ceremony was held and the Sturmbannführer talked about bravery in the field and saving your comrades – better said, putting your own life at risk for your fellow soldier. He said he expected this from each member of the unit, of each member of the Waffen SS. Another officer approached the stairway after the Sturmbannführer gave the “nod”. He had a little black box in his hand which he opened when he was standing right in front of the Sturmbannführer. It was the Iron Cross 1st Class! The Sturmbannführer took the cross out of its box and awarded me – in name of the Führer and the unit - with the Iron Cross 1st class. He placed it nicely on my uniform and I kept it there all the time. I never removed it except when I changed uniform. That – receiving the Iron Cross 1st Class - was one of the proudest moments of my life. I still remember it today as if it was yesterday. It was such an honor for me as I knew why I received it. The Sturmbannführer shook my hand and said to me: “Scharführer, Ich bin stolz auf dich!” which translates “Scharführer, I’m proud of you!” Not a lot later we were involved in heavy fighting and we lost a lot of men and equipment. Our division was literally decimated there in the Tarnopol area. After our major loss in the East, the war went on and we were redeployed in the West. I was happy to leave Russia, I never liked that place, and I hoped not to go back there. In the West, we fought on many different fronts but the Ardennes are that place that stays in my memory forever. We fought in the Ardennes and in the Eifel – somewhere in November/December 1944 - on the border with Germany alongside our comrades of the Division Das Reich and some Wehrmacht units. We were most likely somewhere in the Malmedy – St Vith region. The woods in Belgium and Germany seemed to be even darker than the woods in Russia. They felt so strange and macabre even though it was a familiar place for us. Maybe because we knew the war was coming to an end. At least I knew it was. At some point, you wouldn’t even know if you were in Germany or Belgium. It all looked the same. The first days in the Ardennes/Eifel, while advancing towards enemy positions, were fast and furious. We were advancing with such a speed that we thought we would be in Antwerp in just a couple of days. But our advance got stopped abruptly and slowly we had to pull back. I don’t like to call it to retreat because we were still resisting the advancing enemy armies with such a magnitude that they lost many good men and equipment.
I remember that in the Ardennes/Eifel the enemy fire – and the fighting in general - was a lot heavier there than on the Eastern front. Also, from our part, we were more aggressive in our way of fighting, especially in those first days when the attacks started. Probably it was because now we were fighting close to the border of Germany, or, on German territory. At no cost could the Allies reach Berlin and we had to stop them, no matter what. We fought with the weapons that we could find, or with the weapons that were still available at that time as supplies were getting scarcer. We still had tanks and 88s however the battle was lost for us... Even when we were hitting the Allies very hard with our tanks, artillery, and infantry they did the same to us. The amount of shells that were dropped on our positions is something that goes beyond my imagination. It was clear to me that they – the Allies – wanted to get into Germany at all costs. Try to imagine a rain of fire above your head, hitting everything that is above and beside you. Trees were falling down, there were fires everywhere and bullets were flying all over the place. It was surreal and it seemed to last forever. But you get used to it...and every time you escape death you get that adrenaline rush through your body. Incredible! In response, our MG42 fire was merciless for our opponents. That thing could shoot so many bullets per minute and the barrel was easy to change. When our MG’s opened fire on the Allies everything became “quiet” on the other side. Or they were dead or they were lying down to the ground praying not to get hit by the 8mm!
I remember that one day there was a wave of enemy soldiers attacking our positions. Luckily for us, we had several MG42 and one Tiger tank and we were positioned on a small hill. We dug ourselves in and had small earth bunkers at our disposition which provided safety and cover. When looking at the approaching wave of soldiers it actually looked like a suicide mission form their part. We were just waiting for them to come closer so we could open fire. They came to us walking with their rifles at the ready and then our Tiger fired one shot towards them. It caused a big explosion in the midst of these approaching soldiers killing several of them. After the Tiger fired its round one of their guys fired a shot and they started running and screaming while shooting their guns and rifles in our direction. I told my men to stand by and to wait for the order to shoot. We kept our Tiger silent to save ammunition because we didn’t know if there were enemy tanks close by. We couldn’t afford to waste ammunition. They came closer and closer and it was clear that some guys in our unit were getting a bit nervous with this approaching horde of angry soldiers. I’m not sure why they were screaming like crazy during their assault. Maybe because they thought we were going to surrender? Some of these soldiers were killed by landmines that were hidden in front of our positions. Yes, we did a good job securing our little fort! When they came close enough, I gave my men the order to fire. I told them before the attack to be accurate and deadly; “Save your ammunition until you can get a good hit!” When the time had come, we opened fire and these poor guys went down when hit by our rain of bullets.
It was very sad to see so many lives wasted but we had no choice. They were storming at us and we knew that they didn’t like us! It was a matter of life and death and I’m pretty sure they thought the same. Soon they noticed that we were determined to maintain our positions and that there was no way through. They had to retreat to save what was left of their unit. That was a smart move from their commanding officer; at least he saved some lives that day...the lives of his own men and probably some of ours as well. When they started their retreat, we just fired a couple of rounds in the air just to make sure they wouldn’t turn back. My instructions to my men were clear about retreating soldiers: you don’t shoot your opponent in the back, only cowards do such things! If you want to make that kill you do it face to face in combat. None of the retreating soldiers were killed or injured by us. We let them go and if we had a POW, we would make sure he got the care and attention he needed. Treat your enemy with respect and you’ll accomplish a lot more. Of course, a POW would be searched and interrogated but not like the way we see it in the movies today. That is so wrong and so Hollywood and that’s the reason why people don’t like us, especially in the US! We never harmed a POW in whatever way! Like I said before, we were soldiers and we had respect for our opponents.
During the battle in the Ardennes/Eifel, we lost numerous men and equipment. I still see men falling down to the ground and not getting up again. I still hear men cry, German and Allies, as they lay wounded on the ground. The comrades that got killed were given a quick burial at the place where they fell, after the battle of course. Yes, we even buried some American soldiers and marked their graves with a helmet and their Erkennungsmarke or dog tag. There was no time for burial ceremonies for the fallen comrades. Everything had to be done quickly as the next battle was already waiting to be fought. When we passed a dead Allied soldier while advancing to a new position, we wouldn’t touch them. With that, I mean that we never took their belongings away, except if they had some food or cigarettes on them, or weapons we could use. But we never took any souvenirs as the Allies did to our fallen comrades. War is not about souvenirs...when it’s all over you want to forget about it as soon as you can! Taking personal belongings from the dead, for a souvenir of your tour you’ve done, is in my eyes a criminal act.
One day, during a heavy artillery attack on our positions, I got hit in the head by shrapnel, which meant the end of the war for me. That piece of shrapnel penetrated my helmet on the left side and hit my head. It is very sad to remember how young some of the guys were when they died on the field of honor. They died for their fatherland and I have the utmost respect for them. It’s that ultimate sacrifice that honored them as soldiers. Now they lay to rest in foreign and German soil, together with their comrades with whom they went through a lot of things during their short lives. When I go back to the war cemeteries, I feel reunited with them because they were my family, my brothers.
War is not man’s greatest battle; it’s the losses you have to deal with that are the battles you can’t win. Nothing will be the same again and reality changed for many of us. I was proud to have served with the Waffen SS and I have no regrets for what I have done. To be clear I never killed a civilian or a prisoner of war. I was a soldier! It’s a shame how the Waffen SS got such a bad reputation - and brushed off like criminals - while we were just soldiers doing our duty for our Fatherland. We – myself included of course - treated others with respect but with the necessary discipline. Mistreatment of prisoners or civilians was not tolerated in our unit. If a soldier was caught doing such actions, he would’ve been severely punished! I was a soldier, not a killer, and my honor is still called loyalty towards my unit, division, and country!
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